Turmoil
by kitty-moogles
Summary: Unfortunately some things just can't continue when you're Emperor of Carthak. One shot, set around about TC or early TQ, with slash. KaddarZaimid and KalasinKaddar.


-----------**Turmoil**-----------

"I'll be away for a while. In the Copper Isles."

Kaddar looked up at the man in the doorway and closed the book he'd been reading. "For how long?"

"As long as is necessary," came the reply.

Kaddar stood. "You know you can't do that to me."

"Of course I can," Zaimid replied. He tugged off his sandals and discarded them at the door, turning momentarily to secure the lock with his Gift.

"Don't be a fool and return with a lady on your arm," Kaddar advised. He was pulling off his jewellery.

Zaimid's eyes were deadly serious. "You know I will, one day. And you're the Emperor of Carthak: not only is this not proper, but you have Kalasin."

Kaddar shrugged dismissively. "I had to marry her to solidify the alliance." He turned away so his lover wouldn't see the hurt in his eyes. Zaimid saw anyway. "By the way, where's the wine you promised to bring?" Kaddar glanced over his shoulder to see Zaimid had removed his linen shirt and partly-unbuttoned his healer's robe so it hung at his waist. It wasn't a bad view.

"I thought I'd save it," Zaimid said, grinning when he saw Kaddar looking.

"Save it?" Kaddar repeated. He dropped a handful of glittering rings into a mahogany box. "Why? This might be the last time I see you for months - with the parade and the feast, I won't have free time for weeks, and you'll be gone by then."

Zaimid gave Kaddar a very direct look. "You know this has to end. We can't be sneaking about behind everyones' backs when it's only going to cause pain, the kind healing can't solve. You're the Emperor, you know this can't go on."

By now, Kaddar was disguising his hurt with barely contained anger. "So what are you saying?"

Zaimid's voice fell quieter. "That it should end now before things get complicated. That _we _should end it _now, _instead of letting it drag out and cause us pain."

Kaddar hesitated, emotions flickering across his eyes like reflections. Eventually it settled on a familiar stubbornness that most of Carthak had hoped would be doused by the responsibility of being Emperor. "Now?" he said. "You mean I took all my jewels off for nothing?"

Zaimid sighed, almost amused. "Not _now _now. _After now _now."

"Good," Kaddar said. "And... the wine?"

He ignored the question, discarding his robe on the floor. "Where's Kalasin?"

Kaddar scowled and warned, "Don't start on that---"

Zaimid interrupted. "I wasn't going to. I was just wondering how long we have."

"Long enough," Kaddar informed him shortly. He began to tug off his tunic, moving towards the bed. Zaimid followed.

Afterwards, they were content to lie in bed beside each other, staring up at the ceiling. Gentle sunlight filtered through the linen blinds of the window, warming the silken sheets. Kaddar thought he had never been so at peace.

The silence was long and comfortable.

"If you do get a lady, she had better be worthy of you," Kaddar said eventually. "Don't go and marry some empty-headed fool."

Zaimid didn't answer.

"And bring her back so I can meet her."

"...If that's what you want."

"You'll have her and I'll have Kalasin. Maybe things won't be so bad."

Zaimid moved closer. "Of course they won't."

Another stretch of tranquility stretched out.

"You're saving the wine for the lady you're going to bring back, aren't you?" Kaddar said.

Zaimid sighed. "Actually, I'm saving it for you. I thought it would be a good gift for your anniversary with Kalasin."

"...Then it's for Kalasin, too."

"You two make a good couple, Kaddar. You know that."

He was silent for a long time. "I wish we didn't."

"Kaddar." Zaimid turned onto his side to stare Kaddar in the eyes. "You love her."

"Do I?" he replied blankly.

"_I_ think you do."

"That's not the same thing."

Zaimid offered his most dashing smile. "I know, but don't you wish it was?"

"Not really," Kaddar said.

"You will," Zaimid said. "She already does."

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"You're sad to see him go," Kalasin observed. "He's been a good friend to you, hasn't he?"

"Yes," Kaddar said, eyes downcast. "I'll miss him."

Kalasin reached out to take his hand. Unlike so many times before, he didn't slip his fingers out her grip. Instead he held on tight.

"He'll be back soon," she said. "As your personal healer, no less."

Kaddar didn't answer.

He thought it would be more painful when Zaimid got back than while he was gone.

But then he looked sideways at Kalasin, looking up at him with her wide, long-lashed eyes. Wasn't it time to move on? Wasn't it time to find someone who could love him with all her heart, and he with his? Kaddar didn't love Zaimid because he couldn't. It would always be incomplete.

But it wouldn't be with Kalasin.

She'd always been by his side, even when he'd ignored her, even when he'd backed away from her hopeful kisses and turned his back to her in their bed. Zaimid was gone now. Kalasin wasn't. Kalasin would always be there.

And she would always be everything to him.

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**I think I'm the first person to ever write a KaddarZaimid. An advance warning to flamers: if you don't like slash then don't read it, I did warn in the summary, and if you think this pairing is stupid then keep it to yourself. Everyone's entitled to an opinion. Having said that, all feedback is appreciated. I apologise again for not updating anything (I recently got a message asking me to update Alter Ego... so I feel guilty...), please forgive me! I'm trying to write but I don't have much inspiration or time now we're into exam season at school. Anyhow, thanks for reading. Please review and tell me what you thought :)  
**


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